Put your table on eBay
02/25/02 by Mark Riedy
I just got a glossy, finished and bound copy of the new Mountain Bike Magazine Buyer's Guide and, as usual, the thing is packed with beautiful bikes. All the way from that big Foes DH bike on the cover to the Moots softtail on page 40. Bikes with names like OPM, Stinky and G-Spot. For bike lovers, the Buyer's Guide isn't pornography, it's a sad replacement for pornography.
It seems to me like there's more types of bikes than ever, each of them good for some small segment of the riding population. But what the hell are you to do if, like most of us, you can only buy one bike? One bike before your wife starts asking to see the bank statements. One bike before your car is up for sale. One bike before you're selling your dining room table on eBay. I mean, can you even get by with just one bike? Or are those days as far gone as the days of the (originial) Punk Bike Enduro and Fat City (Ahem)?
Of course, you've got downhill bikes, which some people actually ride just about anywhere you would a standard XC bike. But is that sane? Um, yes, for some people like WTB'S Mark Weir, it is. But so is paying .50 to see Lord of the Rings. For most people there's nothing all that appealing about lugging 35 pounds of iron with soft-as-marshmallow suspension around. So, we'll say it's not that much of an option to have a DH bike as your only bike. Not ruling it out entirely, but it's like having the Skoal Bandit as your only car - a little bit impractical.
Freeride, though. Now there's something. Like downhill, but easier to pedal and lighter. So, downhill light. Could you just have a freeride bike as your only bike? Definitely, lots of people do. A friend of mine down the hill here in Fairfax just built up a 25 pound, 5-inch travel Freeride bike with 2.2 inch tires. Ohhh, that's good. No question you can do almost anything on that bike. Uphill, downhill, sidehill, fireroad. Yes. Good stuff.
But (oh, I had a feeling that was coming) what about people who aren't that gnarly (brah) or people who like to go fast out on the road or go on an easy ride with their girlfriend (gasp!). Then having a freeride bike is maybe like driving a '69 Charger with a .426 Hemi and a big lopy cam. Not entirely practical, but damn fun and you have the illusion that it might actually get your some chicks. Well, let's face it, if you're in the right place (like a women's penitentiary) it might actually get you some chicks.
Wait, though. Maybe I'm coming at it from the wrong side. Maybe I'm going too big. A cross bike, yes, that's it. Cross bike. They're perfect for everything. Road, off-road, um, yes, everything. Trouble is that they're not actually perfect for everything. In fact the truth is just the opposite. They're perfect for nothing and half-decent for almost nothing and passable at one or two things. What about a cross bike with flat bars? Sure, a little less imperfect for everything, but still not good for much other than ratting the teeth from your head and catching lots of flats. If you own a pair of telemark skis or a '72 Volkswagen bug with no windshield and the driver's seat not bolted to the floor, you might like a cross bike.
A hardtail, surely a hardtail is the one bike that can do it all. In fact, until just a few years ago, hardtails did do it all. Right. Until a few years ago. Until a few yeas ago when good, light suspension bikes came on the scene. Now there' nobody outside of heart-rate-monitor-wearin', shaved head freaks (well, OK, like Jasen Thorpe) who will deal with the torture of not having full suspension in order to save a precious few grams. Speaking of grams, wise parts pickers can get a good hardtail down near the 20 pound mark these days.
That leaves us with full suspension XC-type bikes. Perfect? Especially with forks that have adjustable travel and travel that you can lock out. Yes, maybe perfect. Uphill, downhill and I seem to remember riding from Monterey to LA with the Giant Team (and Jasen Thorpe) who were on full suspension mountain bikes with the shocks locked down and super sweet 26" Michelin Axial Pro tires. So, is the full-suspension cross-country bike THE only bike you need? Yes.
Sure. A full-suspension cross-country bike is the only bike you need, but is that really all that fun? Come on, the wife won't miss that dining room table. Do you really need a car?
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